Round 1: A Contest of Wits
Location: back yard
HSS: Maurice Harris, 48 y.o., cis-gendered male, 205 lbs., horseshoe pattern baldness
CLF: “Sparky” aka “Sargent Snuggles” aka “Captain Chaos” aka “Cosmic Canine Companion” aka “Mister Furry Features,” 7 y.o., altered male, 75 lbs., pit-lab mix, brindle pattern fur
Summary of contest of wits:
Sparky attempts to dislodge the loose board on the fence gate, at the same site where he previously had head-butted the board aside and escaped the yard, running across the street to the neighbor’s front yard, where he found a child’s bouncy-ball and popped it, and then forced Maurice to chase him all over the area before finally being subdued.
Maurice, having nailed the loose board back in place and reinforced all the boards with nails, watches with satisfaction as Sparky backs away from the gate, unable to budge the board.
Maurice: Ah hah! Who’s smarter now, Captain Chaos? Huh? How you like that?
Sparky: upward innocent / bored glance
Maurice: That’s right, you can thank my bigger human brain for that, Sparks. Bigger cerebral cortex. Hammer, nails, planning, problem-solving. Mmm-hmm.
Sparky: looks away and begins to trot towards a bush
Maurice: That’s right, mister. I’m just smarter than you.
Unidentifiable voice in Maurice’s head: Maybe. But which of you is happier?