This morning I got an email at work that came from an email address belonging to someone I know. The subject line just read “Checking in…” and the message read “Hi Maurice, can I ask you a personal favor?” and was signed the person’s first name.

Classic spammer approach via someone’s hacked email.

I checked with our IT person to ask if there was any potential virus or other danger to our computers if I were to reply, because there are no links or attachments. He wrote back saying 1) no likely danger and 2) don’t do that this is your work email account are you nuts?

So I did not reply, and instead I wrote to the alleged sender separately to let them know that they had probably had their email hacked.

But this has led me to think up what could be fun replies to the spammer’s question…

Spammer: “Hi Maurice, Can I ask you a personal favor? Thanks, [person’s first name]

Me: [any one of the following]:

• Call me at the station. We’re booking a bunch of perps but I can step away for a minute.
• I told you, it’s over. Your wife knows. My husband knows. This is so painful – you have to stop.
• Is it money again? Only if you’re going to your meetings. Have your sponsor call me.
• Bruh, you still owe me for the other night. Remember, I have pics. You don’t want that s*%& on Instagram homes. Lol.
• Sure – but I have to head out. Can u call me on my cell 911-665-6765?
• Hey baby, only if you do me another favor 😉 😉 xoxoxoxoxo
• Помогите, моя собака горит.
• Giúp tôi với, con chó của tôi đang bị cháy.
• So then the rabbi says, “Salad? That’s no salad! That’s my wife!” [then just continue with absurdities]