Historic Christmas Day Truce Breaks Out in #WarOnChristmas

In a series of spontaneous Christmas morning events that have taken place across the country, combatants from both sides of the War on Christmas have laid down their arms and ventured out of their trenches into no-man’s-land, where they met their enemies face to face and interrupted the slaughter.

Ground Zero in the War on Christmas

Apparently the Christmas holiday evoked a sense of nostalgia for family and good neighborliness, and found weary fighters sharing cups of hot cocoa and family snapshots with their enemies in the contested hallways and food courts of shopping malls across the U.S.

A century ago, in 1914, a similar Christmas day truce took place on the battlefields of World War I. General Fitzgerald A. Grinch, who commands the U.S. forces pressing the War on Christmas in the King of Prussia Mall in Pennsylvania, described the scene with tears in his eyes.

“I’ve never seen anything like this in all the many wars I’ve been in,” Grinch told reporters. “I mean, we will never give up in our national War on Christmas, but just for today, to stop the carnage and the killing for even a few hours, because, I mean, hey, after all, it’s Christmas… it’s inspiring.”

Even Starbucks stores got in on the one-day truce. Green beret baristas who’ve been ardently attacking Christmas on behalf of our nation were seen, for the first time, speaking with pro-Christmas guerrillas, and even handing out free samples. Mall Santas came out from their dug-in positions in Hobby Lobby stores to share an Auntie Annie’s pretzel or two with enemy troops from elite Happy Holidays commando units.

Tomorrow, our nation will resume its fight against the tyranny of Christmas, with Starbucks leading the charge. But for a few hours today, everyone’s common humanity is rising above it all, because Christmas.




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